Thursday, August 26, 2010

Soar training

I just learned this recently from my "very wise Father" (not the heavenly one, but i'm sure He had something to do with my thought now). You know about eagles? They don't just flap to get everywhere. They don't simply glide either. When gliding you eventually hit ground because soon you need to flap to get back up there. And little birds can fly but instead of gliding they only can just flap till they get to the next tree. But eagles soar. They are big enough so they enough to get in the wind stream so they can glide with the wind, on top of it.Thats what God is teaching us to do. To let Him carry us along instead of flapping till we can't flap any more.

Right now I'm experiencing the total complete lack of ability to do what i've always done before. I've always trusted myself to be "strong,"and Him, and trust Him for the rest i couldn't handle. Thats not wrong, it was right at the time,but not in this training for the ministry God has called me to, I'm learning to trust God even for money, and food. I could provide that for myself in the past. But right now,i can't do what i used to do now.I must depend on God for all those things. I depended on nothing for as long as i was in a coma, and it got me well taken care of.So why can't we just trust not in ourselves but God who promises He will provide. He even dresses the flowers of the field and they look better than Solomon (Matthew 6:25-34). But now He is teaching me "to make it in this world requires you to trust in me." I'm especially learning this for God's calling in my life.That tells me that i'll go through many times of need. I just need to trust I'm in His hand, secure. Read...

Isaiah 40:31.
"but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

We will find rest if we trust in His ways.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

just plain honest.questions and confirmations

Lord my God, and Father. I trust in you, be patient with me because of my questing heart. To be completely honest, my lips say one thing and my actions sometimes do another. I desire deeply to have Faith in your word but i look around me and just don't know if Your hand is on things done because I can explain why its happening because of nature. For example, if I cut a tree, I know it will grow back.I can see it.That's the reason I have trouble (this atheist mentality is why You want me as a witness, Sampson was super strong, David was really handsome,Paul was book smart. I can prove You are true and live. I love you.). Lord I ask you to give me unexplained things to show your presence. My list right now is.....

1.the existence of everything in general
2.a bush
3.Heck that i live now after a car crash i should have died in.
4.a special and beautiful girl, who had faith that i would love her when i woke(that's super unexplained because i didn't even try, she was just there for me to meet when i first saw her at a friend's house before the crash)

That is faith, the sensitivity on her heart. That is special that i would be able to find this girl,out of so many others.Let your will be done. You have a plan to help me,Not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11).

Friday, August 20, 2010

the keys

this has been a thought inspired by someone close to me. I honestly believe it's more than just herself because i feel the same pull on my heart and it's consistent in the bible( the dream/vision is me chained to the wall, i'm struggling and Jesus sits, asking me to just look at Him).We share this. It's on my heart too.

Lord, I've been through this crash, I'm struggling now, but You ask me to "be calm and let Me simply work." Here and now, i turn to You. I ask You for Your help Father. You are the only way. There is no other way to be healed. Your the only way for any of us Whether those wound range from physical to spiritual. There is no other, it's my nature to fight whatever would stands in my way. I know it's not helpful now but let this fight in me be changed to fight for your all and your ways.
I love You. You set the captives free. We are all locked down, we need You, You're sustainment and life. You are the only one with the keys.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

God is merciful (job 6)

I think i'm going nuts today...i just left about 15 text messages to one person, of which i'm very sorry for and want not to do again. This state i'm in has got to stop. But thankfully she has forgiven me for this craziness. My girl is that cool. God has provided me with that amazing of a girl... Now to my daily devotional....
JOB 6
Job here is complaining about how he has been unjustly served.He was full and is complaining how he is hurt even though he was doing everything God commanded of him.
Now I,having been in a crash have endured much, He knows my secret sins,but they are forgiven and i praise for His mercy.

I love you Lord because i had sin but You wiped it away,You cleaned by the cross. I give you praise for that. Humans are not that loving. Lord, I praise you for giving me a gracious girl (who is not perfect, but because of that, she can smear and mess up a bit and learn with me) . Please mold us and bless us.

Monday, August 9, 2010

the creator.

I think If I had a choice between the creator of the universe and a lovely girl,I would choose the creator. He made everything and He loves me (out of all the animals) He made.The lovely girl satisfies the physical and emotional wants, and maybe play chess every so often, but God made the physical desires,He can satisfy the emotional fully. Why did God who has everything create us?i don't know.Maybe to have someone to love on(epically). One with a freedom of choice being lesser ,to love on for a time,and to take care for. Also He provided a lot of toys for His children,the animals(with other things)to use as they will.God made us with some of the same desires that we needed to understand Him. Mostly He wants us to understand Him. He wants us to understand, He gives us passions, and desires so that we could do with our desires something right,not selfishly. But to share like He does.

I love You Father. You have given me so much.
Matthew.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

"turn to me"

right now, I have no ability to trust myself,if any good comes, it's because God wills it. I have no strength, no ability to earn money,heck, i don't have any ability to hold onto brenda(even get her) by myself alone. If its God's will, she'll be with me, it's out of my hands. Lord, I hold on to You, because my ability to trust myself for anything is not there. I don't know even know why brenda stays with me, i'm so weak now. I'm naked , I have nothing physically. in this state,I come before You humbly. I woke from a coma only to find money in my bank account(about 7,000), a girl who is willing to be with me now.... my school bills paid for and friends far off reuniting.Lord you are so good.You restore me with something to make me grow in you.That must be why you allowed Benda and I. You know how I work, I won't turn to You unless I realize there is no other way. No matter how much I want to, I don't. So I turn to You because You are the only way.




You O'Lord, are my all, and this is my training camp where I know the truth is, with not only my head, my heart as well.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

first post.....again.

hi everyone. i'm back and recovering from a wreck. i describe myself as inside out now, because i wear my emotions outside.

I have a girlfriend now,she was actually with me in the crash(not dating yet).She is great,she likes art and the same kind of music, she's compassionate, more importantly she loves God. She is the best girl i've ever met.

2Thessalonians 1

Lord, I only now am a wandering little boy now.

I seek you with all my heart, and concentration and who i am. Lord i know this is a fallin world in my heart, but you created a world pure and right world in the beginning,but i've been hurt in the battle. But you O'Lord have the power to heal.What except,giving glory to you is worth anything?God the master, creator,found it worthy that not there are humans who have freewill to love, so what else is really important now? Freewill to love and receive it is all that matters. In all creation,the greatest thing is love, and to love you.And we, as God's children, need it too. Lord, i love you. would you be with me as i continue to heal?