So much affliction. If you ever want to be a serious follower of Christ who fully relies on God for EVERYTHING, it's human nature not to really love something ( or maybe just male) unless you have traveled through with it, and were tested with it ( God's will "allowed," not caused). Because once you're through, you will be stronger.But all the while, He held me through it. I believe this injury is a test. I'm learning to really need God (and know it myself) because I can rely on nothing else. I couldn't really before (rely on something else), now more than ever I know it would just fall away. I need Him for money, I need Him to get me through school,and I need Him for peace. I love You Jesus, I love you my God. He is my sustainment. If I would have never gone through this, I would have never truly known who/what I rely on. I made a conscious choice to follow to the end. It's just what Paul says in vs. 9. I am made to rely on my true salvation (Christ). I could die but death is gain through the Christ, Jesus.
I love you father, Lord hold me in this great affliction. You always have. I struggle through this. If it means going through this again, to be closer to You, it's worth it.