Everthing (1 corinthians 1)

So much affliction. If you ever want to be a serious follower of Christ who fully relies on God for EVERYTHING, it's human nature not to really love something ( or maybe just male) unless you have traveled through with it, and were tested with it ( God's will "allowed," not caused). Because once you're through, you will be stronger.But all the while, He held me through it. I believe this injury is a test. I'm learning to really need God (and know it myself) because I can rely on nothing else. I couldn't really before (rely on something else), now more than ever I know it would just fall away. I need Him for money, I need Him to get me through school,and I need Him for peace. I love You Jesus, I love you my God. He is my sustainment. If I would have never gone through this, I would have never truly known who/what I rely on. I made a conscious choice to follow to the end. It's just what Paul says in vs. 9. I am made to rely on my true salvation (Christ). I could die but death is gain through the Christ, Jesus.

I love you father, Lord hold me in this great affliction. You always have. I struggle through this. If it means going through this again, to be closer to You, it's worth it.

-matthew

Unity (1 Corithians 7:1-16)

I think of the beauty God made for us to enjoy. Unity with someone other than just yourself is how we were meant. Pure unity is beautiful. It's a balance where one guards for the other to make themselves whole. Not only partial anymore, but a complete being. Our bodies not our own. I believe the making of a man and woman, is to make us whole. God being One is complete in and of Himself, He is whole. For us to be like that would be near God-like. We don't want that, there can only be One. We don't understand it, but He has perfect unity in Himself. There is no part of Him that needs or desires anything like us. For me, part of me wants a candy bar, part of me wants to be rich and famous. The other part of me wants a carrot and wants exercise. The part of me that doesn't want riches and popularity reasons that, that would be alot of strain on me. With money comes alot of responsibility. I would much rather be content with depending on God for money (He got me this far), He takes the responsibility there. Maybe someday... With fame I would have the strain of always saying the right thing. I would have the strain of doing the most awesome thing and in style. I'm just not ready for that. In God He is perfect love. He is perfect life. He has money, He has fame, but He is big enough to take it. And for that I'm thankful. In a deep relationship our unity isn't "perfect" but it does the job. God has perfect unity in Himself, and this God loves His creation. He would humble Himself to save us. He always wins. I love you God.

-matthew

p.s. thank you girl for a nice start :) It's funny how my devotional for the day matched up.

water walk (matthew 14:22)

I knew this would come. I know logically the Lord is powerful. I know He is there for us but satan whispers "what if." What if He doesn't love you, what if He isn't who you believe He is? But He is that. Why else would He give us beauty to look at? Why else would fruit or vegetables taste good at all? Why do we laugh or have freedom to do anything? If I want to play in the creek now , I can. Why else would He create a world the way it is if He wasn't who I know He is.

Lord,take this from my mind. This is.....not....me...Well the questioning thing is me but not the doubt of something I know is true. As far as I know I will always give over everything, with no regard to my own gain, I know logically,"what is the point of us?" I must accept the purpose God Himself places on us, only then, we have worth because He says we do. In and of myself I have nothing I can gain and nothing to lose. I'm aware that,that may sound prideful to even say that but it's still just me. All is worthless if it doesn't get eternal gain! Only God matters. Father call me out to walk on water and I'll do it. I may not be successful all the time but I'll go....

this is a continuation this day, like two min. after....

I believe God has me now on a water walk, questioning... "are you really going to step out....I say YES!! Because I'm more vulnerable now then I've ever been before, I'm calling back to the Lord "if you really want me to walk, call me out." If I fall, I fall, if I stand, I gain beyond my dreams. I'll have the Lord. I think we all do this in one way or another. God lets us know Him and we accept Him. Peter is thinking in simple terms, "if He is God and the Christ, I can walk on water." What can you stop if it's God will? Peter sought to prove something to Himself and ended up finding his own limit. He looked at the waves and rage around him. He then found he was weaker to do it himself, he found true power in God.I love You Father.

all is worthless (acts 23)

Everywhere Christ is spoken about stirs up riots. Especially this time when acts was written. Jesus proclaims peace, and has strength to lift us up when we are struck or beat down, or can't go on anymore. And for some reason...people are offended. I don't know ,but I have a theory, we just want our own pathetic way, we don't see the truth. That's what causes so much hate, because we want it our own way, but that's just dumb. If there is someway to go that guarantees life ,joy, and peace, I'll give it all up for that. All else is worthless. Not that we'll be just happy all the time, but joy is something deeper, contentment.

It's like if I was going to for sure give you 10 dollars if you choose to go down a trail with me then you go down another trail that you don't know about, then find some cow dung. Can you see what kind of chooses people make? We make those all the time....and I'm not singling you out...I do soooo much too. More then I should. But Jesus is pleading with us, "come this way." I love you Jesus. You have right direction.

-matthew

before all others (acts 19)

Jesus certainly stirred He stirred alot of things when He came. But why did He come?! He came to heal this world. He came to seek the lost (which is us all). And THAT stirred up alot? Well

only not exactly. We want to just do our own thing. We want to have some sort of power. But in reality we are only lost sheep, getting lost, falling off a cliff, wandering around, getting stuck in ditches. We think we can just do it in our own ignorance. These people were getting all excited because Paul was preaching these things about Jesus. And the fact that we need to put aside everything in life, that isn’t worth much at all, and follow Him is threatening to us because all of the sudden we, ourselves, are contradicted. It’s why anyone in this secular world gets mad at us. It’s true even with the evolution debates.

Lord, we try so hard to make ourselves in charge but that’s really not the truth to pursue. Ourselves will fail in the end. The truth is we’re charge whether we think so or not. So here I am. I admit the truth. You’re our good Father, You protect us. Your will is planned for our lives. It’s a scary thing when we realize we are not in control. But the thing is You are. What do we have to fear? You “lead us beside still waters” I now understand Psalm 23. I never really did before.

I love You.

-matthew

He is life

Hey I think someone I know uncovered a weakness in my heart. I fight with this. Beauty, I tend to make something great to myself....but that beauty can not provide. That beauty is worthless in the end to protect me. That beauty can not be a job,or food. Beauty dies. Beauty is however captivating.

There really is no reason to even make that to myself, an idol. That is my idol. Yes, there's nothing wrong with beauty, but to make it more than it should be....that is a sin.It also hurts me in the end. I can't let beauty be more than it is in my life because their is no benefit. On this outing with the pastors I want to make Jesus more than anything in my heart. After all He is the creator of all beauty. How can I ever have better? He is life He is my purpose. He is my all. All else must be second.

unwaiver (acts 14)

"But Jews came from Antioch and Iconium, and having persuaded the crowds, they stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing that he was dead.²⁰But when the disciples gathered about him, he rose up and entered the city, and on the next day he went on with Barnabas to Derbe."

Hardcore. I by no means see that he did this in his own strength. Paul's will was unwavering. God is for all of us, our protector. That’s why in act 14 the missionaries,Paul and Barnabas went from city to city to city preaching. Paul was even stoned, but Paul knew no fear because God convinced him that he was invincible until the time came for new life with God his father. He couldn’t lose. Even if he died on earth he would be fully alive with Jesus in heaven. It’s the same with us. Nothing can stop us. Through the pain,we’ll rise up and keep going.

What do we have to fear? Of course make calculations and plans but when you have nothing,what should you fear?

the premier post of this blog....Love.

What if love is more powerful than hate? It binds all together,and hopes all things. Hate is the exact opposite. It's constantly negative, constantly betraying, constantly back stabbing. If a force is driven at it's core by hate, how can it stand? God is love. He is life, He is existence. If you were to go against a power propelled by love, you would fall. It's amazing to me that love lasts. We think in this world that hate is stronger. It might win a battle but not a war, especially in this world. Love is eternal wheeeew...what a relief. Nothing at all could exist without love. Love begot creation. Don't you love someone before you have intercourse? Not always, but that does not grow to be a happy child then. Not that the child will ever be happy but it's just a child that grows with challenges ahead..... That's how humanity was designed, by love. God chose us to show His love. Heaven's weapon is love. Love can't be destroyed. Maybe on a small scale but on the large scale it out lives. Hate is destruction even to itself. The bible was right, love never fails, it can't.

Love causes passion. If you love someone you'll fight to protect them, passionately. Now think of that in relation to God and what He did. He came down to save us. He stepped off His thrown and humbled Himself to a small creature just to save us. That is amazing love. For those who will possibly reject Him. He did not stand to let us all be punished for eternity in a place He made for satan and not us. He fought for us.

the Lord Our Strength (acts 7)

I can tell you from even these ancient words written thousands of years ago that the men who heard stephan were impressed.

Father, even, in these things, You speak softly to us. Moses doubted himself, which is good, we should all doubt ourselves a little for power to continue on. we need to rely on You for strength and that Your stronger, that is You. You give me strength to complete the mission. You heal so that we have strength to continue on. Not us, but You have the strength. Remind me of that always. I can't do it, but I don't need to despair because You can do it.

faker (acts 5)

These things I have always need to make me look better than I really am. Lord, Help me to be true to myself. We're all in a Spiritual battle for our very lives. A fake sword just doesn't work.

Their are things we hide to keep for ourselves. We are looking for our own glory. It's not that You don't want us to be proud of the things we accomplish, but You don't want it to be false. You desire real strength and real personalities,real image, not a make-believe look of one. I need to actually be strong, actually be healthy, actually be a good leader, not a false one. Those will fail. Falseness will fail. Only the appearance of something we're not, isn't good enough. The only way we'll last is through authenticity and just doing "it." A plastic lock on a door will just break. It's only the appearance of a lock. Plastic locks are worth nothing, authenticity is everything.

strong tower (acts 1)

Father, You are my strong tower, You are the mighty fortress I hope in.Though I might lose everything, I will have peace in You. Lord, the resting place is You. Not in anything that I can buy, get ,or have given to me. Just You. I trust in You. I keep saying that because sometimes I just need to get it in my head. For the disciples, the resting place was a hope in Jesus Christ to come back to life, and once He did it was a hope to come back out of the clouds. He will come back, but He wants all of His children to come, the full measure of who will come to hope in Him. Today we have the same hope as them. We must endure to get the full measure of who will follow Him. That is a great hope and resting place for us. He loves us all so much that He is waiting for those who will choose Him. He is truly our resting place/strong tower/ safe place. He will never fail. I want to be like Him.

Lord, show me how to be a man who can affectively lead others to find that resting place. We can help them by showing them the one lone tower in the field, and You are that tower. I love You.

-matthew

(Wrote on a grassy hill at night with a flash light haha. Yes it's fun to do that.I highly recommend it. Writing outside really helps you understand God vividly)

Purity again (mark 15)

It's a funny section of the bible I go through this now. I go through it near halloween. That (the day Jesus was crucified) was a dark day,but also a very respected day. I have that day to thank for my sins being taken. This lamb walked willingly to be slaughtered. The King, out of love, was beaten and killed for me. I can forever be with Him. Not just me, but all of us. And all the while, there were some women watching from a distance. I image all their sorrow and love. A womans heart is a beautiful thing. They have the ability to care in a unique way that just looks somehow beautiful.....God came to rescue the weak. We are all weak. When we look at the reality of how fragile we are and humble ourselves,taking His blood (which He freely gives) for a ransom for our sins. God forgives our dept.He was so strong when He was healthy that pilate didn't at first believe He was dead. Jesus must have been very strong to last as long as He did already.

Lord, I pray You would be with me today. I admit fully that I may have made You second, but logically no one can sustain me with life. No one can hold me stronger. No one can give me peace and purpose. Only You can. I've been reading about chastity, chastity is all for You anyway. I may have not realized how greatly important it was before (except that it was only a rule) but today I know the rewards You have to offer. I see them. Pure love means a pure marriage that is full. But we trade the choice for purity for our own trash. We think the trash is better but it's really not. Allow me to experience that purity in my future marriage and love. That purity is something that I take by faith. True purity is alot like living in the garden of eden again. Nothing can hurt us. It's purity. True purity. I love You Lord.

The things we build (mark 13:1-2)

All these things we build ourselves will not last. They will fall.We marvel over so many things in or this world. It's so sad because we just trade it for something that won't last forever. It might be stolen. It might be lost, weather might rip it apart. It might be defaced. I hold on to the things the world has too. I want something important. I want what!? Glory from men is nothing but a whisp of air!? A beautiful girl?! She could change by the stress of the world on her. She could just not want to go forward anymore.

But You O'Lord, will not change It's You i need to constantly remind myself to seek after. Let's make no mistake, I forget too. Someday on a bright morning, I'll be able to run into Your arms and I'll wonder, "what was I ever thinking?!" You Father are the true treasure. All I do is for You! To further Your kingdom. You provide all I need and could ever want in this place on earth. Why do I need to travel through all this hard stuff just to be in Your arms. I love You Father, I love You.

-matthew kelly

Never give up (Mark 12:1-10)

Lord, You make our hearts beautiful. All that is evil will not stand against Your purposes to make beauty out of ....nothing. Even my own life is changed if I give what is,nothing anymore, to You. I praise You. You are good Lord, not only that,but great.Your purposes are to be trusted and here and now I re-dedicate myself to serve You . no matter what may happen. God, You must love us with an everlasting love beyond my own dreams and imagination. I'm only now realizing this about You.

And what is more You are the everlasting King, Loving. I would feel great honor and safety if I could just crawl into Your lap. I would fall asleep without a worry because You are stronger. I can't wait to just run in the green grass. You are so loving, You sent so many to us, to help. You never give up. You could see that I would love You. And You can't give up on my small existence and love. I live because You love. I exist because You would never let go, on any of us. All I need that's all any of us need to do. I love You Jesus, I love You Lord.

-matthew kelly

Salt...not the movie (mark 9:50)

“salt is good..”, "have salt in yourself..." what does that mean, except for the obvious? Salt is a spice, it’s also strong, and bitter. Our ,“saltiness” is our spunk (that’s the only word I can use to help describe it), but that’s only apart of it. I’m going to go off “spunk.” So salt can represent our personality or that thing that drives us. Like salt in my heart for winning has to do with what winning means to me. It means glory of being the best at it,(at least now) It means I’m cool, It means i can take care of myself here, it means i have power, etc. That is salt,spice of things. God loves salt,it’s our passion for things. He wanted to salt the earth and He made adventure with many variables. Salt makes me enjoy it. He tossed it in the mix of things.

We need salt in our mission, especially when seeking God. Things are just more entertaining. The biggest lie about God is He is dull. How can anyone truthfully believe that. This is a God who created brilliant adventure and amazing gorgeous things all around us! The adventure is everywhere! We just need to live in this world created by an amazing King. Our Dad really is all we can hope for.In a world where no one is 100% honest or pure in heart, it’s sometimes hard to believe because we’ve never seen that. The enemy wants to destroy this, all of it! I don’t know what his problem is...just selfishness, it’s basically self-destructive.Satan has no chance, even if by some impossible way he was to gain power, his kingdom would fall.But thanks be to our good Fathers strength, we have nothing to fear, EVER!!

Lord, I love You! More today than before. You are strong, You are powerful, You are all knowing, what do I have to fear?

I love You.

-matthew kelly

dread champion

God has made me do things with a passion and without fail. I will never fail so long as God is walking with me. How can I lose if God comes like a dread champion (Jeremiah 20:11 NASB).I have nothing to fear. You’ve got to understand, being raised in a Christian home has it’s benefits than the world. I’m not like other men. I will always persevere for the right cause (the Just cause). I simply must. God built that in me,and does with all who seek Him.

Evil must not win. Justice must prevail. Christ is attractive for that reason, He will never fail. He loved us so much, He was betrayed,spit on, humiliated, beat, talked about, and finally crucified. I want to be like Him. He’s my hero. Then He wasn’t finished,3 days later, He broke the gates of Hell down, and came alive. Death couldn’t take Him. His body, mind, and was transformed to be stronger. He loved us so much,He went from death to life, from Hell and Heaven, to save His beloved. Us. That’s my Dad. That’s our Dad. We pursue Him together. And love together, the One who came to earth beaten and bruised,Hell, Heaven,to earth in a new body. Proving that He alone has the power to win. Go with me in this epic journey...it’s full of pain ,and suffering,but it has it’s rewards that last forever. And me? I will never give up to heal. He’s healing me even now. It’s not about my physical state...It’s about my heart. Will my heart prevail?It must. You want to stop me? You're going to need to kill me.

agianst the grain (mark 7)

We hold so tightly to man made laws and traditions. I rebuke these things. I go against the grain. If I must and I sit here at a "rest stop" in the grass,without a chair even...all things man made, are open to flaw.Even I am. I can't do anything. I can't even just be who I am right now.But it's you Lord who guides me, You guide my paths. You make them straight. All things I fear that could happen, are safely in Your gentle hands. So i'm going against the grain, everything is against that, I seek You. I know You'll make what was in my life, beautiful again. Nothing can stop that! Because nothing can stop you.

love,
Matthew (you humble servant)

Save me, I know you realize how hurt I am right now. How I can't stand, even now. I can stand with You. It's You who gets me through. It's You I hope in.

weak then strong (2 Corinthians 12:10)

Lord, You mold me through hardships to be stronger than before. I have nothing, even less now. Be my strength because, when I am weak,then I am strong. When we can recklessly abandon our lives for a trade,we gain so much. I never really understood that until now. You are our strength. We are not our own. I'm surprised I even remember this, it's in 2 Corinthians 12:10. Christ all the more in us when we humble ourselves.

You are our strength.

beauty (matthew 26)

You made this world so beautiful and delicate. Not exactly cushy, but beautiful. That tells me something about what you value. You are amazing God for so many reasons but I will focus on just one, You value beauty. Trees are beautiful, the sky,the water,humans and animals. It's all so artistic. Even the words and poetry You write in everything. You enjoy beauty. That makes me proud to serve You Lord. You're like none other we can even dare to imagine. You brought beauty to earth and we shoved that is Your face by distorting Your Son. Yet you still love us O' that I could return Your love, not through hate or perversion but make it new. I can't wait till this is all made right, all that was meant to be good(this world). Peace,love, and joy will remain powerful. No longer will perversion rule this world. I can't wait.

I love You Father. I run for You

matthew 23 (just a little p.s. cometary about it,not the actual entry,i'll keep that one to myself)

I love you Jesus

i admit it i'm totally in love with you. I'm not ashamed. The thing is, you are a mans man, you are who i aspire to be , though everything fall away, You are, Your strong arms have me, They have me tight none can ever steal me away. You are like the man anyone seeks to be, You are the definition. I'm privileged to be in Your likeness because You are what a human truly can be. You make us like Yourself but Your a true Father. You love to love, You have adventure in Your heart, You are epic (the very sense of the word),kind,strong, and love music. Though if everyone were to leave me, You simply are and I will serve You.

I love You, never get tired of that from me. It will last forever, I will shout it,Your brave son (You made me that way after all),

Matthew Kelly

p.s.toss it all aside you lose nothing when you have the King on Your side.

(Lord, men are just half.Women are the other half of your personality.That's why they are to be valued by us men. That's why we are to make part of you when we come together)

I know this is unorthodox theology but I'm just saying what I believe is put on my heart to glorify God we serve. He is passionate and His truth is shown in the scriptures I post to prove to you who He is.

needy

O'Lord i need you desperately today. I feel small and needy. I don't know how this will all work out. You can save me. You are all powerful. Use me to talk to people, to glorify you. It may be pathetic to an outsider who doesn't know my head. but this is really hard. Carry me.

Father will never give up

Lately this section has been hitting me alot and it's not normal to remember because i have a HEAD INJURY.Did you get that?So i think God has placed it on me. It's matthew 14:22-33. Jesus walks on water without a boat and the sailors are spooked because they see Jesus walking on water.Walking on water isn't normal if you haven't realized that.Peter asks "if that is really you call me out to come walk to you." Jesus says, "come" Peter starts walking. And looks around him and sees the waves, and fears. He takes his faith off Jesus. Jesus stoops down and asks"why did you doubt?" Jesus obviously gave him no reason to doubt. The obvious question sunk deeper than Peter would ever go. Then they walked back to the boat. I imagine, they do it hold hands. Jesus is such a good Father. He will never let us go,He doesn't with me. Even when we don't see Him right there. He reaches to hold our hand. He pulls us up.That is my Father..... He'll never give up. I want to be like Him. I hope He's proud of me now.

And tonight I had so much freedom. I jogged and drove.

I love you Lord.

flimsy world treasures

Strangely i've been getting this alot. Yesterday,this was my devotional then in the evening this was a men devotional but in Mark 10 not Matthew 23. That word "give it all up and follow me."

O'Lord you are my King, You have ultimate wisdom. I know i'm locked up right now. Let me be until i've learned what i need to know so I can glorify my kingdom. Your word speaks of pharisees being blind, If they would turn to you, they would have real treasure that you give. So here i am, i have nothing. I give you all. Use me for your glory. Don't let me be for this flimsy worldly treasure. I would give You all. Cover my shameful nakedness.

Father, You never give up. You saved us regardless. For Your goodness, I thank You. Lord, continue to heal me.

Soar training

I just learned this recently from my "very wise Father" (not the heavenly one, but i'm sure He had something to do with my thought now). You know about eagles? They don't just flap to get everywhere. They don't simply glide either. When gliding you eventually hit ground because soon you need to flap to get back up there. And little birds can fly but instead of gliding they only can just flap till they get to the next tree. But eagles soar. They are big enough so they enough to get in the wind stream so they can glide with the wind, on top of it.Thats what God is teaching us to do. To let Him carry us along instead of flapping till we can't flap any more.

Right now I'm experiencing the total complete lack of ability to do what i've always done before. I've always trusted myself to be "strong,"and Him, and trust Him for the rest i couldn't handle. Thats not wrong, it was right at the time,but not in this training for the ministry God has called me to, I'm learning to trust God even for money, and food. I could provide that for myself in the past. But right now,i can't do what i used to do now.I must depend on God for all those things. I depended on nothing for as long as i was in a coma, and it got me well taken care of.So why can't we just trust not in ourselves but God who promises He will provide. He even dresses the flowers of the field and they look better than Solomon (Matthew 6:25-34). But now He is teaching me "to make it in this world requires you to trust in me." I'm especially learning this for God's calling in my life.That tells me that i'll go through many times of need. I just need to trust I'm in His hand, secure. Read...

Isaiah 40:31.

"but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

We will find rest if we trust in His ways.

just plain honest.questions and confirmations

Lord my God, and Father. I trust in you, be patient with me because of my questing heart. To be completely honest, my lips say one thing and my actions sometimes do another. I desire deeply to have Faith in your word but i look around me and just don't know if Your hand is on things done because I can explain why its happening because of nature. For example, if I cut a tree, I know it will grow back.I can see it.That's the reason I have trouble (this atheist mentality is why You want me as a witness, Sampson was super strong, David was really handsome,Paul was book smart. I can prove You are true and live. I love you.). Lord I ask you to give me unexplained things to show your presence. My list right now is.....

1.the existence of everything in general

2.a bush

3.Heck that i live now after a car crash i should have died in.

4.a special and beautiful girl, who had faith that i would love her when i woke(that's super unexplained because i didn't even try, she was just there for me to meet when i first saw her at a friend's house before the crash)

That is faith, the sensitivity on her heart. That is special that i would be able to find this girl,out of so many others.Let your will be done. You have a plan to help me,Not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11).

the keys

this has been a thought inspired by someone close to me. I honestly believe it's more than just herself because i feel the same pull on my heart and it's consistent in the bible( the dream/vision is me chained to the wall, i'm struggling and Jesus sits, asking me to just look at Him).We share this. It's on my heart too.

Lord, I've been through this crash, I'm struggling now, but You ask me to "be calm and let Me simply work." Here and now, i turn to You. I ask You for Your help Father. You are the only way. There is no other way to be healed. Your the only way for any of us Whether those wound range from physical to spiritual. There is no other, it's my nature to fight whatever would stands in my way. I know it's not helpful now but let this fight in me be changed to fight for your all and your ways.

I love You. You set the captives free. We are all locked down, we need You, You're sustainment and life. You are the only one with the keys.

God is merciful (job 6)

I think i'm going nuts today...i just left about 15 text messages to one person, of which i'm very sorry for and want not to do again. This state i'm in has got to stop. But thankfully she has forgiven me for this craziness. My girl is that cool. God has provided me with that amazing of a girl... Now to my daily devotional....

JOB 6

Job here is complaining about how he has been unjustly served.He was full and is complaining how he is hurt even though he was doing everything God commanded of him.

Now I,having been in a crash have endured much, He knows my secret sins,but they are forgiven and i praise for His mercy.

I love you Lord because i had sin but You wiped it away,You cleaned by the cross. I give you praise for that. Humans are not that loving. Lord, I praise you for giving me a gracious girl (who is not perfect, but because of that, she can smear and mess up a bit and learn with me) . Please mold us and bless us.

the creator.

I think If I had a choice between the creator of the universe and a lovely girl,I would choose the creator. He made everything and He loves me (out of all the animals) He made.The lovely girl satisfies the physical and emotional wants, and maybe play chess every so often, but God made the physical desires,He can satisfy the emotional fully. Why did God who has everything create us?i don't know.Maybe to have someone to love on(epically). One with a freedom of choice being lesser ,to love on for a time,and to take care for. Also He provided a lot of toys for His children,the animals(with other things)to use as they will.God made us with some of the same desires that we needed to understand Him. Mostly He wants us to understand Him. He wants us to understand, He gives us passions, and desires so that we could do with our desires something right,not selfishly. But to share like He does.

I love You Father. You have given me so much.

Matthew.

"turn to me"

right now, I have no ability to trust myself,if any good comes, it's because God wills it. I have no strength, no ability to earn money,heck, i don't have any ability to hold onto brenda(even get her) by myself alone. If its God's will, she'll be with me, it's out of my hands. Lord, I hold on to You, because my ability to trust myself for anything is not there. I don't know even know why brenda stays with me, i'm so weak now. I'm naked , I have nothing physically. in this state,I come before You humbly. I woke from a coma only to find money in my bank account(about 7,000), a girl who is willing to be with me now.... my school bills paid for and friends far off reuniting.Lord you are so good.You restore me with something to make me grow in you.That must be why you allowed Benda and I. You know how I work, I won't turn to You unless I realize there is no other way. No matter how much I want to, I don't. So I turn to You because You are the only way.

You O'Lord, are my all, and this is my training camp where I know the truth is, with not only my head, my heart as well.

first post.....again.

hi everyone. i'm back and recovering from a wreck. i describe myself as inside out now, because i wear my emotions outside.

I have a girlfriend now,she was actually with me in the crash(not dating yet).She is great,she likes art and the same kind of music, she's compassionate, more importantly she loves God. She is the best girl i've ever met.

2Thessalonians 1

Lord, I only now am a wandering little boy now.

I seek you with all my heart, and concentration and who i am. Lord i know this is a fallin world in my heart, but you created a world pure and right world in the beginning,but i've been hurt in the battle. But you O'Lord have the power to heal.What except,giving glory to you is worth anything?God the master, creator,found it worthy that not there are humans who have freewill to love, so what else is really important now? Freewill to love and receive it is all that matters. In all creation,the greatest thing is love, and to love you.And we, as God's children, need it too. Lord, i love you. would you be with me as i continue to heal?

I Believe in Fairy Tales

I believe full heartedly in fairy tales. Not exactly in the kinds that tell a story about talking wolves or of blind mice but in the much deeper concepts. That dragons live in our dark world and can be slain. That there is love, it can be happily ever after, that magic can set us free, we were bond but we needed help to be released. Magic goes throughout the world. We see it with every chirping bird that flies in the air, the grass that grows in spring time, the flowers budding as it knows the time of year. The water sparkles at me as the sun shines down and hits little reflective things turning and churning while the breeze creates waves. I believe in fairy tales. There is a great and epic terror, but we have a greater King, Dread Champion(Jer. 20:11), powerful victor, loving Father, calling His sons and daughters to stand with Him in the inheritance of the captured land. We were prophesied a victory over evil. it saturates every cell of our imaginations. All of history proclaims the same story line. The hope of the promised One who would overthrow the evil lord and prince of the earth. God put that story in the hearts of us all. You see it in Young hearts, but soon old men will dream those dreams also. Dreams of a fallen war lord and a wild victory for the One true King to sit on the throne on earth as in Heaven.

"Salvation and glory and power belongs to our God, for His judgments are true and Just; for He has judged the great prostitute who corrupted the earth with her immorality, and has avenged on her the blood of His servants"
Revelation 19:1

Great is the King, Great is our Lord who's deepest vision pierces the hearts of every nation in every century of every generation the Hope of Glory and power, I believe in fairy tales.
Amen. I love you Jesus.

Love Sonet

Love
It's very rare that I've ever seen love in action. But I know no greater adventure when I see it. It's fighting for the win no longer for ourselves. In our lives love was always meant to be perfect unity, perfect friendship, perfect beauty because of the form of what it is. Love was always meant for us. As the psalmist says, "I slept but my heart was awake." Love always comes, and never fails. It lives even when the barer fails. I feel love as I feel the grass under my feet because I'm free to run, and when I run, I run for the love of freedom.

Together
What is life without sharing? It's just you if you aren't willing to share it with anyone else. Everyone seeks love. It is the deepest human desire to love and be loved but some of us are afraid to love. We hide sometimes in our own selves with our jobs, or we hide in our school. Sometimes we hide through our electronics and the television with the sport of watching love in movies like a fat man on the coach who watches football but never experiences it. He critiques his favorite players from a safe distance. Love is meant to be experienced. Solomon puts it so bluntly, "As a lily among brambles so is my love among the young women." It's seeing from afar the jewel in the quarry and risking it all to not let it get picked up by anyone but who is worthy. The claim has been staked, experience it for all it's worth and hold fast. Real love is seeing clear for the first time. It makes you want to be the best version of yourself that you can be if only to serve the other.

God's Love
I think of God and how love relates to God. He created humanity with the primary reason for love, to love and to show love. He shares perfect unity and He meant for us to know that unity because man (all of humanity) can not be alone. Man is lonely and to know the kind of unity God experiences (if not only a shadow), God created woman, and they became one flesh and one flesh resulted because of this beautiful adventure. We were born of love and to me, the life we live should be nothing less than an expression of that love. When Jesus says there are only two commandments that He gives us, "love God, and love others" I see there is no greater purpose than to know how. But what motivates more powerfully unity than when we observe love God gives?

My definition
Love for me is running through the grass with no socks on and knowing that physical touch I get from the earth God gave me to enjoy. Love for me is the beauty I know and can't deny in passion of life. As Agur says, "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden." Love is fighting for that beauty and never relenting. For me, I'm no where near any of these lofty descriptions of love. I get angry, I shout at my roommate, I forget what life is for and I think about myself. I love romance, I love the smile in a child I see as I walk, I love the water that sparkled a bit this morning for me at the lake, and I love the grass under me. This is no time to over think love. The best way to love is to listen to God speak and we are compelled to do nothing else. I love to love.


Extra
I just want to finish this off with something I read about the song of songs, "In most of the modern world, romance is thought of as something that precedes marriage. In the Song, romance is something that actually characterizes marriage. Let it be so."

Greener Grass to Come

I asked God where I should go to spend time with Him today. I wanted to go to the chapel on campus, but He drew me to the outdoors underneath the little roof near the pond at Simpson. As I stepped under, the rain came harder as if it was just waiting for me to find cover. I've always wondered why my relationship with God is so...outside. God reminded me that I'm going to be in places that are hard to go. I need to find Him in the beauty He made.

I love how You draw me to an exciting relationship with You. And it's not just me, when we seek You desperately Lord, my Jesus, Beloved, I can't wait to run with You unashamed of anything ever again. To know the beauty You are, to walk on greener grass than I can describe, to be in perfect unity with You and the beautiful people You made. I love how You invite us, children, to be Yours. We were always Yours, and You fought valiantly to protect us under the shadow of Your wing. Jesus, thank You for the true, "living water" out of Your love, for those who desire to be rid of these rags and free in the unity and power of Your name. I love You Jesus. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit, and I pray that You would allow unity with Your people on earth, as a pre-shadow of Your love and glory to come. I love You Jesus, Your name is power and glory forever and ever.

Trying my hand at evangelism

Today was rather interesting. God had been for a while pressing my heart to actually reach out and have an outlet for evangelism. I decided to ride the bus because usually the bus has this category of people on it... poor, really young, old, disabled, or had a tough life. My real goal was simply to be open enough to start conversations (because on a bus that's easy).

1. Before I went, I prayed that God would give me some words, however, I don't know how much He gave me. At first I had an interesting conversation with a 20 something guy, we somehow got to talking about death and where you will be when you die, I think it made the guy think a little bit. I know when we pray, God opens up conversations. I don't know how much that helped anything, but God does what He does and I can leave it at that.
2. I stopped at Neighborhood church, took a little leadership class, and then went off again. I was waiting for the bus and God was using that book "The Shack" to speak into my heart about what it means to love someone or have a relationship with them.
3. I got back on the bus and the conversation back wasn't to much, but I got off at target where I started. I saw a homeless fellow named Bob. I gave him a little macdonalds card, he didn't look like he cared for it much but I asked him about himself anyways. He was a vet in the Vietnam war and with an E-4 rank. I didn't really establish to much with him except to let Him know someone cares about Him. I wish I had said something about God but for now I just talked to him about himself.
4. I went into target and came out and a guy started to evangelize me...when I told him I was doing the same thing today, he started giving me papers on how to evangelize haha. It was definitely and interesting day....

Over all, I think I will pray more, and next time bring a friend. God definitely opens up opportunities if we are sensitive.

The power of God through us

It's funny that I was just talking about this yesterday, the Spirit of God is something that has been preparing for us to receive. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 2:2
"for I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified."
He decided to know nothing, he was nothing and made himself weak to demonstrate the power of the Holy Spirit living in him. When we are with the Holy Spirit living and filled, we are not of our own strength, we don't need to be of our own strength, it is by the power of God that we will breath and move with boldness. Paul didn't rest knowing wisdom on his self, but surrender allowed the power of God to be demonstrated. Our job is surrender. We must be less and He must become more and through that, power is demonstrated through us. Pay attention to this truth. God kept this wisdom for us, He saved it for us, He held this power to be used by us when we come to Christ and receive it.

I played the whore so well

My heart groans tonight to know my Lord more than I do.

Tonight I went to a bible study and there was one thing that stuck with me and stood out, out of anything else that was said today. GOD'S PRESENCE. In the beginning, God walked with us. His presence was there. He always wanted to be near to us, to love us, but we pushed Him away. Regardless, God always pursued, He never quit. At the closing chapter of Exodus, His presence finally came again to dwell with man. It filled the tabernacle. God made a way again through the law and through a covenant.

The Father, our Daddy, and the term I've been hearing from several different sources these past few weeks, our Papa, our joy, our strength, the rock that will not move, our life, our love for which no love can compete or match. His Love will not fail. Finally we pushed Him away again while all along He confessed His Love for me, the prostitute (ezekiel 16), playing the whore all to well, I run after everything but Him. There was one final push to end all attempts at Love, the Christ came like a rushing wind. He ambushed the shores, He burst through the doors leaving no survivors of the enemy to stand in the way.

I was sitting in the corner and He dashed the chains to pieces (isaiah 61:1-2), finally I saw clearly, I was Loved Only Once and all other times were a shadow. GOD'S PRESENCE had come again to the world. His powerful Spirit is a rushing wind in my soul, His powerful blow ambushed the shores, His strong arm blast the doors because He heard I was in pain, He heard me call His name in my anger and torture for the mess I chose and to my surprise, Dad came so fast and so hard just to save His boy.

And when He got me, I looked up into His eyes as the beaten cheater and whore I'd become and said, "I love you Jesus. I love you Papa, I love you Daddy, never again...You're the reason I live."

I love you Jesus. I love you Daddy. I love you. I love you.

My new favorite story...